A parent in one of my recent classes came up with a frequently asked question, “I get frustrated easily at home and at work. My frustration at work carries over to home and vise versa. How can I change that?
I explained that everyone wants positive results – parent -teacher-spouse-manager, and in some cases they end up with a lot of disappointment and frustration. Most people start out with good intentions. If they don’t get the results that they expect they get frustrated. In a fast moving, high paced world, good intentions are not enough. Life requires skills and commitment to grow. We Know of busy people who manage to balance their lives. We also know people who live in a constant state of stress and frustration. They find themselves going around in circles. The same issues keep coming up over and over. To get different results it requires a different approach.
Some of the causes of frustration are:
1. High expectation
2. Different perspectives
3. Difficulty prioritizing
4. Control issues
5. To many things going on at the same time
There are people who go through the day managing conflict, lack of motivation, and apathy – what are they doing different? To start with, they don’t assume or take things personally. Most likely they have the ability to gain rapport with a variety of people because they are flexible. They are respectful of their needs as well as others. They focus on the outcome and remain calm.
I explained to the parent that there are some good questions to ask yourself when you feel frustrated.
When do I get frustrated? For some people it is being ignored, for others it may be a lack of respect. People will respond differently according to their situation.
What do I lose when I get frustrated? Personal power
What can I do instead of being frustrated? Take a deep breath to remain calm. Step back and look at the issue from a different perspective. You might be surprised at how different you see the situation.
These questions will help focus on what is really causing the frustration and help her create better outcomes at home and at work. I wonder how it would change your life if you had additional skills to deal with your frustrations? Life might go smoother.